Towards a dictionary of words and phrases for the foreign traveler on German trains, and in German train stations

 5 Minuten Verspätung: Time is an illusion. The truth is a chasm.


Brezel: A large, misspelled pretzel. Vaguely nourishing.


EinzelTicket: We pass this way but once.


Essen Hauptbahnhof: A marvel of lights, commerce and humanity in motion. An elaborate mirage of Dunkin Donuts and Subways for which you will never have time.


Fahrkarte: The straw to which you must cling. The road map to your destination. Also a document of dubious authority.


Gleis: A raised horizontal surface on which to drink Lift (see: Lift) and feel ennui beating your psyche like an incontinent poodle.


Hamburg Hauptbahnhof: An acoustic space where no sound is ever lost, thus no missive may be accurately understood.


Lautsprecherdurchsage: Disembodied metallic voices. Their source or truthfulness is impossible to ascertain.


Lift: The apples of Iðunn, tempered by a bit of fizzy water.





Pünktlichkeit: The idea that things happen when they happen.


Reservierung: The thought that, somewhere, there is a place for you. A frankly childish notion which is best abandoned.


Wagenreihungsplan: An anatomical model of the great beast in whose stomach we hope to one day sit.


Wir wünschen Ihnen eine angenehme Reise: The hope that things will improve. Blessed are those who believe and have not seen.

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