How to deal with imposter syndrome

1) Remember that you are not alone. There are legions of people out there who suffer as you do. Strike up a conversation with one.

2) Say to yourself “I belong in the space I occupy. I push myself to new accomplisments”.

3) Get a parrot. It echoes your words without the burden of an intellect.

4) Take pleasure in your indistinct reflection in storefront windows as you pass by. Like a real person, you are in motion. You are accomplishing things. You do not obsess.

5) Avoid mirrors. They are likely to make you ruminate upon certain parts of your face. Remember: an imagined flaw is as painful as a real one.

6) Drink coffee. Fetishize it. Say things like “I need my coffee” or “I don’t know what I would do without coffee”.

7) Avoid prolonged contact with dogs (and certain breeds of pig). They pick up on so much.

8) Remember to cycle between over-preparedness and procrastination. You need both to maintain your position.

9) Starve the parrot. Its voice sounds too much like you, like an imperfect replica.

10) Turn off social media now and then. The last thing you need is to compare yourself to others.

11) Visit the makeshift grave you made. The original cannot harm you. They are more unreal than you.

12) With no original, who can say who’s an imposter?